ANGEL- only of that moment

Last Sunday, a friend called me. His father’s oxygen levels were falling steadily and there were no beds available anywhere to hospitalize him….could I do anything to help? A lucky chain of events followed and we were able to hospitalize him and now the patient has recovered and is back home.  My friend appreciated me by calling me ‘an angel’. He is my good friend and I know his regard for me doesn’t depend on anything I can do or not for him. But whenever I get effusive thanks for a life saved, I remind myself – ‘its only for that moment, the next moment I could be condemned as the Devil incarnate’. Such is the experience of a doctor.

Nothing special really….

Most of the times when folks come to me for a problem, I know exactly what is to be done. Because I spent all my life learning about it and practicing the same. For the common man, it is a rare experience. The fact that I can give an accurate prognosis and guide them seems amazing to them. As a Psychiatrist, I have the advantage of having some communication skills which makes things that much smoother. Even when there is uncertainty, I am able to prepare the person for it.  When things go as I had suggested they will…..they think its miraculous and I have some special powers. Its nothing special really. Completely within the abilities of any doctor.

Angel for the day

For most doctors, things work out, especially if the patients are sensible. (which is the case for every doctor- otherwise why would they be in business still?) . On the such occasions, I have taught myself to be humble and say to myself ‘its not me who is the angel; its just the chain of events that made me look like one’. Therefore, yes I feel very happy and gratified for the compliment. But I know tomorrow is different and I am not an Angel.

Devil incarnate

I am not perfect and sometimes things go wrong in unexpected ways. Many years ago I prescribed medication to an 18 year old in a Manic episode. It appears that the doses were inadequate due to which he was up the whole night making his father prepare endless portions of instant noodles. Next day the exhausted father called up his family physician who told him that the medication was extremely dangerous and could have killed him. Bass- the next call was to me and cursing me to all kinds misfortunes- I was the Devil incarnate to him. More recently, after the lockdown my patients and their relatives suddenly began to call me up at all odd times of the day and night to discuss covid. I could understand their stress and anxiety- but being only human I could not answer all of them. Plus some of them needed more than few words of comfort- and this being the professional service I provide, I asked them to pay me. I was faced with their disappointment, disgust and people designated me as the Devil (who is after money)

Learning…

People cant understand what we doctors are upto. They find it unfair that we can earn through spending 20 mins of examining them- a process that seems so simple and not at all heroic. For Psychiatrists its worse- pay for talking? Well, that’s the issue. If it was only about spending time with the patient or merely talking to them why would you come to us? So many folks to spend time with and talk to- free and willing. The difference is- that we worked extremely hard all our lives to understand what is happening to you and are trained to make it look smooth and effortless- if every consultation is like Munnabhai scene where we get histrionic and appear to do heroics- imagine what would happen to your blood pressure? So even if it appears cool and effortless there is a massive amount of hard work that’s gone to make it that way and it saves your life. Its not miraculous but its definitely worth the money.

So we doctors- well we are a shameless lot. But we cultivate that quality under the euphemism of ‘Equanimity’. Call us Angels, call us Devils- after few moments of feeling something about it (though not showing it on the face at all) we just let it go and move on to the next thing on our schedule. Drs cant afford to take these things seriously, not for themselves and not for those few wise patients who value them.