Preschoolers behavior management- continued

I live in a joint family. That’s why I am unable to give time to my daughter. Please guide me.

You will have to make up your mind about changing the situation and then do the following:

1.       Communicate to your family that your daughter being your responsibility, you will have to keep aside some time exclusively for her on a daily basis. Recruit your husband in helping you, first.

2.       Negotiate with your family to share some responsibilities like attending functions- everyone need not attend all functions

3.       Go slow on trying to take excessive responsibilities just to please someone

4.       Be open to taking help from other family members or even paid help, rather than doing everything on your own

5.       Try to do your tasks in an easy way and if possible, using electrical appliances. You will save time and energy and use that with your daughter

6.       Be opportunistic- plan in advance what you will do the next time you get some time off. You need not always be taking your daughter’s studies- you can chat with her, play with her or go shopping with her

माझा मुलगा समनवयस्क मुलांबरोबर मिक्स होत नाही. त्यांच्यावर चीड-चिड करतो. तो त्याच्या पेक्षा मोठ्या मुलांबरोबर मिक्स होतो. त्याबद्दल काय करावे?

आपल्या पेक्षा मोठ्या मुलांबरोबर मिक्स होण चांगलंच आहे. पण आपल्या पेक्षा लहान किवा आपल्या वयाच्या मुलांशी जमवून घेणं पण महत्वाचा आहे. त्यासाठी त्याला कसे वागायचे ते समजावा आणि तो खेळत असताना त्याच्या बरोबर राहून त्याला मार्गदर्शन करा. हळू-हळू त्याला सवय होईल.

माझा मुलगा वर्गात किवा घरी एका जागी स्थीर बसत नाही, त्यावर उपाय सांगा.

एकाग्र वाढवण्याकरता कौसेलिंग चा उपयोग होतो का?

५-६ वर्षांपर्यंत मुलं अस्थिर असू शकतात. अस्थिर मुलांना शक्य तितकं सोपं आणि छोटी काम द्यावी. काही सांगायचे तर थोडक्यात सांगावे. सतत लक्ष ठेवून शांत पणे त्यांना मार्गदर्शन करावे. त्यांना मारू नयेत, कारण तुमच्याकडून मारण्याची सवय ति शिकतील.

जर मुल अतिच चंचल असेल किवा ६ वर्षानंतर सुद्धा चंचल असेल तर त्याची वैद्यकीय तपशनी करून घेतली पाहिजे. जर चंचल पण खूप कमी प्रमाणात असेल तर फक्त कौन्सेलिंग नी सुधारणा होवू शकते. चंचलपणा साठी औषद आणि कौन्सेलिंग दोन्ही करणे उत्तम.

मेरी daughter हर चीज तोडफोड करती है. पुस्तक फाड देती है. इसके क्या कारण हो सकते है?

इसके दो कारण हो सकते है. एक- आपका ध्यान पाने के लिये वह ये सब करती है. तो यदि आप उसके साथ समय बिताए, उसके साथ खेले तो इसका उसे लाभ होगा. दूसरा- शायद उसे मालूम नही कि इन चीजो क सही इस्तमाल कैसें करना है. तो उसे समझाए. फिर चीज उसके हाथ मे दे. यादी फाड-तोड करती है तो चीज निकाल ले. हर बार ऐसे ही करे. इससे उसे पता चलेगा कि गलत बर्ताव करने पर चीजे उसे नही मिलेंगी. तो धीरे-धीरे उसमे सुधार होगा.

माझ्या मुलांना त्यांच्या खेळण्यांपेक्षा स्वयंपाकघरातील भांडी आवडतात. त्याबद्दल काय करावे?

काहीही करण्याची गरज नाही. जमलं तर त्यांना स्वयंपाकघरातली काम सांगा आणि शिकवा.

My child becomes very self-conscious when any relatives come home. He then does not go for potty for several days causing constipation. How can I solve this problem?

This problem has to be solved urgently. Try to find out if has any specific fears. If he is not able to tell you directly, please take him to a counselor. They will help you to find out about his fears and guide you about his management.

Pre- schooler's behaviors- 21-07-2013

I had gone for a lecture for parents on 'Managing Pre-school children' organised by Vidya Prasarak Mandal of Dahisar. I am uploading the questions and their answers, that followed the lecture.

 पहिल मुल शांत आणि दुसरं मुल मस्तीखोर असत असे आहे का? अशा मस्तीखोर मुलाला पहिल्या   शांत असलेल्या मुलाबरोबर वाढवताना काय अधिकची काळजी घ्यावी?

Birth order प्रमाणे स्वभाव वेगवेगळा होतोच, असे नाही. पहिल्या मुलामध्ये independence, leadership असते असे काही संशोधक म्हणतात. तसेच दुसर्या मुलामधे creativity असते. प्रत्येक मुल वेगळ असत हे मान्य करून त्यांचे संगोपन केले पाहिजे. एक मुल मस्तीखोर असल्याने त्यालाच जास्त लक्ष देणे, किव्हा त्यालाच जास्त शिक्षा करणे, असे होता कामा नयेत. शांत मुलाला आपले मत, आवडी- निवडी मांडायला वेळ आणि संधी द्या. मस्तीखोर मुलाला दुसर्याचे ऐकायची सवय लावा. दोघांना एकमेकांशी नीट वागण्याची सवय लावा.

Sometimes children show totally opposite behavior at the same time, that is, aggression as well as suddenly emotional or crying. How to handle it?

Young children do show mood changes. Some children are moody by nature. This is because their nervous system is immature and because they have not learnt about mood-management. Young children should be closely supervised/ watched at all times. If you can prevent the child from getting hurt, hungry, wet or bored- then many of these mood swings can be avoided. Talking to the child, playing with him and just describing his/ your activities while he is playing by himself will keep the child entertained and feeling secure.  After every little while the child will come to you; giving him a hug, rubbing his back, touching his nose and such other affectionate touches can recharge him emotionally. If he is mildly upset speak to him from a distance and see if he can calm himself down. If this does not work or if he gets very upset, go near him and soothe him immediately by just holding him or his hand. After he calms down check what has happened and solve his problem. Sometimes he may just feel lonely or frightened of some noise/ insect which you may not even have noticed. So reassure him and encourage him to go back to his play.

Give some tips for aggression control. Sometimes makes stories, but whether they should be believed or not?

Children are normally very aggressive between the ages of 3-6 years. So do not get disturbed if your child has started becoming aggressive. You must remove all dangerous and delicate objects from your house and avoid taking your child to any place with such things, till you have learnt to confidently manage your child in such situations. If you have not provided proper environment to the child and the child is merely playing; it is your fault. Secondly  all young children need constant watchful companionship. Give clear instructions in very short about what is expected of the child. If you see that the child is becoming very excited distract him very calmly into some  activity (Colouring, seeing pictures, giving him some water, looking through window or some housework) and do this activity with him till he calms down. It is not right to stand somewhere, instruct the child and expect him to follow you- remember he is a child. If he hits another child, making him say sorry to that child and put him in a corner for 2-3 minutes- do this every time. Most important is that you be very calm and speak in a very soft voice and slowly in very short sentences, no matter how much your child’s aggression has provoked you. Your child will copy you. Slowly your child will learn to manage his natural aggression. It will usually take several months to 1-2 years for you to teach him this. Be patient and persistent.

Children do make fantastic stories. If you are in the habit of playing with your child and chatting with him regularly and are providing him proper supervision at all times, you will be able to judge for yourself about what to believe and what not to believe. So inculcate these parenting habits first.

जी मुलं लाजरी आहेत त्यांना इतरांबरोबर कसं confident बनवावं?

तुमच्या मुलाचा स्वभाव सौम्य असेल तर त्यात काही गैर नाही. प्रत्येक व्यक्ती ‘dashing, bold’ झालेच पाहिजे असे काही नाही. तुमचा मुलगा इतर मुलांबरोबर खेळताना त्याला बघा- तो मित्रांबरोबर नीट खेळत असेल, त्याचा म्हणणं मांडू शकत असेल- तर त्याचा स्वभाव बदलण्याची काही गरज नाही. तो भित्रा असेल तर त्याला समजावा आणि जी मुले त्याच्यासारखी सौम्य आहेत त्यांच्याबरोबर खेळण्याकरिता घेवून जा. त्याने कसे वागले पाहिजे हे त्याला परत परत शांत पणे समजावा. काही महिन्यानंतर त्याचा भित्रेपणा हळू-हळू कमी होईल. त्याच्या स्वभावाची निंदा अथवा टिंगल करू नयेत.

I am a working mother. My son goes to school happily but whenever he sees me in school, he immediately starts crying and wants to come near me. Please tell me how to deal with it?

If your child is crying and wants to come near you, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Tell him 1-2 times, very calmly, to wait. If he is not listening you must allow him to come near you and pick him up. Talk to him about it at home and explain to him what is expected of him. Repeat this calmly and with equal enthusiasm every time. Inform him that you will visit school before you do so. Whenever he follows your instruction even partially, you can reward him by looking very pleased, praising him (particularly in front of relatives) and giving him a hug. dont look very upset or disappointed, rather you must ignore it if he repeats the undesirable pattern. Slowly he will learn the expected behavior.